Your writing has action and dilemma. Well done. In places though, it is challenging to read. Some inverted commas for dialogue, or more full stops may have helped this. I love your first sentence! Well done. Mr. M. (Team 100WC) Cambridgeshire, UK
I like the way you added brackets but why did you use the cheese Philadelphia its a bit silly in my opinion.
I liked the way you used brackets but you can improve on using comas and capital letters.
I like the way you used a relative clause to add more information about the character
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Your writing has action and dilemma. Well done. In places though, it is challenging to read. Some inverted commas for dialogue, or more full stops may have helped this. I love your first sentence! Well done.
Mr. M. (Team 100WC)
Cambridgeshire, UK
I like the way you added brackets but why did you use the cheese Philadelphia its a bit silly in my opinion.
I liked the way you used brackets but you can improve on using comas and capital letters.
I like the way you used a relative clause to add more information about the character