This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a statement of questioning, ‘but what if I was in charge?’ Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in a domestic setting, wishing to change their school life. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a domestic setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of school is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as everyone has experienced school at some point in their life. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have enjoyed many a year at school, enjoying the work and the bond you create with classmates and teachers. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as how you don’t like the homework, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how you need to rest at home demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The piece continues to develop, as you imagine what it would be like if character was in charge. This is described as being a more fair and enjoyable setting, where people could fully relax after school. This creates a sense of urgency, pushing to the end of the piece. The the school thought up by your character, the whole setting would be very different, with Macbooks, lollipops, and all your friends around. The piece finishes on a comic note with reference to Donald Trump, and while finance could be an issue, the utopian description seems great. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the rhetorical question. Keep up the good work!
Hi there,
This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a statement of questioning, ‘but what if I was in charge?’ Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in a domestic setting, wishing to change their school life. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a domestic setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of school is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as everyone has experienced school at some point in their life. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have enjoyed many a year at school, enjoying the work and the bond you create with classmates and teachers. By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as how you don’t like the homework, you engage with the reader. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how you need to rest at home demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The piece continues to develop, as you imagine what it would be like if character was in charge. This is described as being a more fair and enjoyable setting, where people could fully relax after school. This creates a sense of urgency, pushing to the end of the piece. The the school thought up by your character, the whole setting would be very different, with Macbooks, lollipops, and all your friends around. The piece finishes on a comic note with reference to Donald Trump, and while finance could be an issue, the utopian description seems great. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the rhetorical question. Keep up the good work!