Its good but you should use punctuation properly
nice story, I liked it when you use the tittle.
you have forgot about the full stops.
you have forgot about the full stops but good work.
i like the way you described the monster. You can improve on your spellings
I think you did well on using the Fronted Adverbial example, One day but maybe try to be more enthusiastic when using fronted adverbials and maybe work on your spellings for eye’s you aid eys
You described the evil person
i think you need to work on using full stops and using punctuation correctly.
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